In Game... Out of Game...

(Authors note: I do not see myself as two people. Naughty Cargo and Jessi are just ways of illustrating in-game me and out-of-game me. I'm crazy, sure, but not that much. Yet :P)

I was having a discussion with brandobas tonight (<3 brando), and he said something that really made me think- as lots of things do, relating to this game.

We were talking about all the events that have transpired basically since I sent my app in to 7-2, up to now, particularly the recent circumstances with my new alliance and the (somewhat) unfortunate events that have transpired from them. We kept talking, about the alliance as a whole, that is, Shadow Cartel and who they are; who they are viewed to be.

What made me think specifically was when I said 'they're not all bad (as people), most of them are good, if not occasionally annoying' (:P love you guys hehe), and Brando came back with something about how, no matter who they are out of game, makes absolutely no difference in game. You're not going to NOT shoot someone in an opposing fleet JUST because they're a nice person in real life.

In EVE, all that's relevant... is whatever happens in EVE. 

It seems such a simple concept, and one that makes sense if you look at it and take it as face value. However, add the social element, the part I really love of this game, and suddenly, there's lots of grey areas. We all sit on comms as our CHARACTER names, we interact on forums with API's tied into the game- no custom avatars or up-loadable pictures, we use our character portraits instead. Corp TICKERS and signs and logos are everywhere.

I sit in comms, yes with the name 'Naughty Cargo', but I am me- I am Jess. I am sitting on comms as the 21 year old from Australia, not the dastardly, ruthless space pirate. But I am 'Naughty' and am referred to as such- NC, Cargo... whatever anyone uses, they are addressing me as the in-game pirate. My TICKER is right there next to my name [AU-NZ], a clear indicator of Naughty's stance on things. And, and probably the most important point, not everyone sees this game like I do. Some people don't care for the out of game people. Some, not even the ones in their own corp. Others, ONLY the people they have in their corp matter and no one else.

I am a nice person. I am a good person. I often get told that I'm not, and sometimes, I find it hard to remember I am actually a positive on life, not a negative. I don't go out into the street and shoot people in the face. I don't steal people's cars and crash them into a wall. I don't bump people out of the way on the street. Naughty Cargo, that bad space pirate, goes into space and shoots people in the face. She steals people's ships, and then destroys them in some sort of glorious battle. Naughty Cargo bumps people off gates and shoot them just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naughty Cargo is part of a big, bad, blobby alliance, and therefore... must be like such an entity, as much to be a part of.

Sitting in comms as Jessi, sitting in forums and chats as Jessi... only does so much good when Naughty's alliance is causing trouble with the people that Jessi is sitting with. To the point that 'I MUST have had a part in it, because its far too convenient to be a coincidence'. And you know what, I don't help myself about it either. What do you say when something happens you had absolutely no control over and suddenly, everyone is looking at you, interrogating you as to why you just did 'that', whatever that is? What do you say?

Listening to a 7-2 fleet get blobbed while I was sitting on their comms, 10 minutes after I logged in... I froze. I hadn't bothered to log into SC comms, because they were flying something I couldn't. I decided to ignore it, being in a good mood, and hopped on 7-2 comms instead, as I was wont to do when feeling chatty. 10 minutes in, and my brain froze. What do you do when suddenly, the thing you have been teased about, the thing that was joked about- being a 'spai'- becomes a crazy possibility in reality? I didn't help myself freaking out. Do I stay, do I go? Do I laugh, do I cry, do I rage? Do I just go with it and act like nothing happened? I choked, mumbled a bit, and left.

I didn't think about it again, until I got a few comments thrown at me the next day in a chat I had always sat in. And they were no longer joking. No longer laughing, or being silly. It escalated, got rather nasty, before we moved on, me trying to ignore the sudden rift in the line I had been walking- the line I didn't even realise I was walking on until I crossed it. The line between EVE the game, and Jessi's real life- my 'friendships' with other real people, not the characters they play in game.

The two aspects of me don't work together anymore. In game and out of game don't align. Yes I can post random stuff on the forums, share internet goodness, talk on posts and in chats... but I can't just 'hang out' on comms like I used to. I can't ask random questions like 'Oh, where are you guys at?', stuff I asked before PURELY because I was curious and wanted to know if I could catch up. I can't ask 'Oh, what are you flying?' I can't just sit in while a fleet is going on and listen. We saw where THAT got me... lol.

And you know what? I don't think I can ever go back. Now that line has been crossed, I can't ever rebuild whatever random line I had going in the first place.

I am under no illusions. I am not getting into 7-2. Ever.

I am not like most of the people in the corp, if any. I am not 'close' so to speak with many of the members, and you know what? I know I annoy people. I acknowledge bouncy, young, loud, happy, irrelevant Jessi is not everyone's cup of tea. Particular those who make the decisions. And its not because they are bad people, nor me. It just means we wouldn't ever hang out- would never be compatible in this game. We play completely different types of games.

And THAT is what matters- not the people, not the personalities (though they are important), but the type of game that is played. The game within the game. The game of alliances and corps and blues and fleets and fights. The fights we all enjoy and crave and love and thrive on.

I now have an alliance name of which I am part, that labels me as a certain way. And you know what, I like them. Most, if not all, are people I get along with. Yes, I'm still not everyone's cup of tea, and never will be. But overall, its very nice. Chilling just sitting in comms or chatting in chat channels... talking on the forums. For now, Shadow Cartel is Naughty Cargo's home, Naughty Cargo's family.

Jessi's family, are those people who I care for, in and out of game, those that I see as friends, who I feel I know maybe better than others, or vice versa. I will ALWAYS care for my Molden Heath family- for the people behind the characters. Like any family, we have our disputes, we have arguments and fights, we have people that don't ever get along or don't like other people. People we don't know as well as others cause they're always away, etc. But think back to my Christmas video- my present to those who I care about. THAT was Jessi, that was not Naughty Cargo.

I am not a bad person. I am not a liar. I am not a 'spai'. No matter what people think or say, me, Jess, as a person, am not a blobby spai. I know that, and in the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks- or says. I am who I am, I know who I am, and I know what I do.

In EVE, all that's relevant... is whatever happens IN EVE. 

I'm going to adopt this rule. It's going to be in my bio, right at the top.

I am Naughty Cargo AND I am Jessica Joy Owen. I am a member of Shadow Cartel, and I am a member of the Molden Heath community. I am an ex black jacket, and I am a space pirate.

And much love to all the people behind these EVE characters, all those corps and alliances and organisations- R1DER, ThC, 7-2, Shadow Cartel, etc. No matter what happens in EVE, I have myself, and I have you guys, and that is awesome. Mostly :P When you're all not being dicks ;) :P hehe.

EVE- A Game Like No Other

(This has been written after about 2 weeks, so when I say earlier this week, its not true. XD Just go with it. haha)

I know I sorta did a post on this before, more specifically about the community, but I had an experience earlier this week, combined with CCP's newest announcement, that made me think about this game in a somewhat objective way- what makes it amazing? Why do I seem to not be able to pull myself away from New Eden? And why are so many people asking me about this game because a whole bunch of random players lost $300,000 worth of game content?

We had an AU timezone fleet earlier this week. Ohm's just pulled it together out of the hat, and we grabbed whatever we had, basically, a bunch of Aussies from various corps, and we flew out, heading towards Tama. I was in my trusty jag, because you know.. tackle is always handy. We'd shot at a few things here and there, and had one really good, totally random fight which led to the death of a few random ships (http://shadowcartel.com/kb/?a=kill_related&kll_id=93211 - although I coulda sworn we killed more things than that...)

Anyways, so we were going along, when we docked up for a dinner/food break. A few of the guys kept scouting/looking around, and one of them spotted a Thanny sitting in space one system over. I can't remember what it was doing, but it was russian, so who knows. One of the guys kept an eye on it until everyone had come back, and in the meantime, we talked about the plan. With me being tackle in my jag, I was nominated at the tackle. Strict orders- stay at about 20km, keep moving so you don't get caught by drones, and just hold point. By the time all the people had returned, I had that feeling in my stomach- the butterflies.

I, as a fairly new player still, get the butterflies and 'shakes' when I'm in or about to enter a really good fight. And while so many things still scare me in this game, there's one thing I don't mind, and that's the shakes themselves. I have never, EVER found a game that gives me as much of an adrenalin rush as EVE provides. It both amps me up, and terrifies me, and I love it. LOVE IT LOVE IT! It makes me want to kill more stuff.

Anyways, I could literally feel my mouse shaking as the call was made for me to jump, the fleet on the gate, in warp to Thanny. No pressure. Unfortunately, the warp was a long one, 50+ AU, and the lucky bastard was aligned and warping as I landed. *sadface*. Problem is, that adrenalin rush was still there!!! We didn't end up killing anything else on the way home, but did end up getting a few nice kills at the usual gate camp :P

What made me think of sharing this was the adrenalin rush. Those butterflies that I was feeling, are just overwhelming. There is no game like this. This is more apparent in the individual feelings and experiences this game creates. The publicity that has gone around, simply the amount of people checking out this game... its amazing! And everyone has their own way of doing it. So many different people and play styles, and all in one server. ONE SERVER! xD How many MMO's do that?

And how many MMO's have a sculpture in real life that their main characters name is going to be on? CCP announced the building of a big statue around the bay in Reykavik, for ANYONE to see, with all the main characters in EVE on it that are active as on March 1st. That's a lot of characters! XD But its gonna be there.

There's just so many things that make this game different and great, and I hope I am playing it still, for years to come. I want to be a bitter 'not-so-bitter' vet :P XD

Naughty Cargo- The Stats So Far!

So, I was sitting on comms, listening to some of the 7-2 boys relating to the rest of the group their various statistics of all time. Like, ship most used, corp most had kills in, etc... (that's a really awkward way of typing that, but I can't really think of a better one XD).

Anyways, so me being the intrepid sheep that I am, decided to follow suit, log on to zKillboard and look at my probably botched stats.

(Take note of my random bookmarks toolbar. XD A side note: every morning when I get up, I make my way across that bar in a quick fashion, checking each one very quickly, before shutting it again and getting the day started.)

Anyways, as you can see here, zKillboard tells me I have 649 kills. Hmmm... I don't know. I'm sure I should have more, but I don't know. Maybe I am overestimating my killing skills. Haha. Also, I like the idea of only having lost 190 ships, but again, not sure if that's accurate. Let's go with it! XD I don't know what being ranked 7,492 means, but its under 10,000, so I'll be right. haha.

What I really love, and what really shows where I belong, is my top corps. As you can see, my top corp was my dear family, The Humbleless Crew. Led in part by the awesome Diziet Thomas and comprising of the strangest, and sometimes angriest (ren), but sweetest people in the whole of New Eden. I started out in R1FTA, but these guys have really taught me more in the grand scheme of things, though I will always hold a special place in my heart for R1FTA, don't get me wrong! And, as is clearly shown here, they easily make up AT LEAST half of my total kills. Will always love these guys. <3

That stat makes me very happy either way. I'd love if we could go back to the days that we had awesome fleets and it was all a tad more relaxed and things, but I know the guys are happy with 7-2, and I know that one day... in like, 2 years XD I'll be enjoying my time with them too. Until then, I am finding Shadow very, very cool. A great learning experience with great people. :)

I also find it very interesting that I became part of ThC JUST before they left Capital Punishment. 3 kills while we were still under their reign. Very interesting happenstance ^.^

And now, for the MORE interesting bit! :D

I am rather proud of the fact that my top ship is the Jag. My beautiful, beautiful jag. Also the fact that out of the weapons that AREN'T ships, my top is a long point- because I'm an awesome tackle. :P I find it interesting my second is a Thrasher though. I'm thinking I might have ganked a little too often in the early R1DER days. ;) I'm such a tackle, with Letto as 4th. I really do wanna try something else, but this really shows my love of the pointing. ^.^

 I also find amusing my top systems. Bosena has been my home since R1FTER, and it shows. I'm quite proud of what I have achieved in my awesome Molden Heath. ^.^ Look at all those MH systems. So happy! :D Funny that Jov is second though. I think the R1FTER guys and my corp are rubbing off on me with the Essence. XD Also Teo as 4- back to that ganking again. XD At least I can pronounce all these systems.

I still think some things are missing in all of these stats, but I'm not too fussed. Is fun to look at either way. Let's see if over the next few months things change. In about an hour I can fly Gallante Battleships- well... sit in them anyway. About 2 weeks after that and I can fly a good fit on one. I'm 12 days off using a fairly decent Min Heavy Assault Cruiser, and I'm working on my gunnery skills pretty heavily atm. My fitting skills need a tad more work, but hey, it all comes with time. Time time time. :)

On a side note, I'm poor. :P Its a strange alliance to be in, when you're poor, but whatevs. Snow showed me an asset tool last night, and I made an API, and plugged in my details. Here's the result....

Anyone want an Odin Synthetic Eye is worst comes to worst? XD I think I might keep it though unless I'm really desperate, cause Lho gave it to me for Christmas :) Ish special. ^.^ Either way, gonna start working on ISK gain. Who knows how it'll go....?

There's my EVE post for now. My parents get back from the other side of the country tonight, so I get to be less busy. Keeping ones siblings alive takes work! Particularly when they eat so much crap! In any case, I've survived the week, so we'll see. :P Uni starts on the 10th of March, so after that, I'll try and post when I can- not that I'm the most reliable either way! XD hahaha I have a few posts in draft, so incoming! XD I went to B-R5 last night in a shuttle. :P Got all the way, despite the naysayers, but whatevers. XD I had fun XD Blog post in progress!

Check out the post before this for a little funny. ;)

HAHAHAHAHAHA Says something... :P

So.. quick note, because this amused me, and I was literally laughing myself to tears, but I hopped onto eBay out of boredom, and for curiosities sake, typed in EVE Online.

As you can see, all fairly boring... something bout plex, some stickers... scroll down...

People like this ISK making book thing. Might check it out if I'm ever interested in ISK making.. would be outdated though...

Keep scrolling...

........
......
....

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'The Unspoken Rules of Online Dating for Men' AND (this is my favourite :P) 'Virtual Foreplay: Making Your Online Realationship in Real Life a Success'.

Followed by another ISK making book.

Co-incidence? I don't think so. :P If it is, I find it incredibly amusing. XD

AUTHORS NOTE: I AM working on some new blog posts, I have 3 in draft stages, 2 of them EVE Online related. Plus another couple of ideas. One will determinately be on the BIG battle/newbies type thing, another will be on me being bored and going down to B-R5 at 3am this morning, and another will be on ISK (and how poor I am after using an asset calc tool :P)

It Means Something...

Okay, this time I need to rant. I need to let this one out cause it's pissing me off. Short and simple and to the point.

I got annoyed a month or so ago, when I started a MLP battle thread, like me and Kaeda had, on the R1FTA forums once ages ago. It was a lot of fun to do, and I can't speak for him, but I'm sure it amused Kaeda, and quite a few other people on said forums. I posted this new one on the Molden Heath forums, and within an hour, there was a poll on it saying 'Should this thread be shut down?', and numerous comments saying 'Oh God help us we're all going to die' sort of sentiments. I specifically put in the title a warning saying 'MLP warning, if you don't like don't look' or something similar and yet, people who have absolutely no interest in it whatsoever, were going in, commenting, and getting it shut down. I took the thread down, angry, and then went to bed, forgetting all about it. If you don't like it, don't look.

But that's only ponies, sure. What does that matter? It doesn't. But what I posted today does.

I'm still young, yes. Sometimes I have hopes for the future yeah? And yes, I understand media and politicians and the news and all them can't be trusted. But I get annoyed when I post something that matters to me on some forums, the sort of forums accessed by people who I consider friends, and it gets shot down because of cynicism and contempt for another organisation, of which I am in no way affiliated, but is helping me- little me, and tons of other people ACTUALLY have a say in something that matters.

Yes it might be all over-exaggerated, and yeah, I'm sure dodgy stuff is going on behind the scenes, facts have been fudged, people are lying... I know all that. I'm young, but not stupid.

What irritates me is the fact that it matters. I don't care what facts are being fudged. Bogus or not, the protection of The Great Barrier Reef, is, to me, of the utmost importance. I like the idea of having a world for my future children and grandchildren, and no, I'm not the greeny-type, foody person. I like my electricity, my creature comforts, my meat.

You don't have to share what I think, I am not trying to push my opinions, thoughts, hopes, dreams or intentions on anyone. But I would appreciate not hating on the fact that for once in my life I am trying to do some good. 

Sincerely,
Jess.